Saturday, August 23, 2008

To Kill A Slow-Walker

I leave for The People's Republic of China in exactly 12 days.

To the left, you will notice a charmingly cute stock image that appropriately expresses how I feel at this moment, which is, unfortunately, as though a nail is being driven through my head.

To me, headaches are like that one socially awkward guy from your dorm; slowly creeping up without warning, and staying for far longer than is comfortable.  (If you're out there, Ned, just know that I still fully support your propensity to play John William's scores at 3am.)  

Some say that headaches are caused by lack of water, others by a pH imbalance (the latter of which is "totally the reason for like, most things in your body", one of my coworkers argues).  However, I believe my particular headache is the summation of a summer's worth of apprehension and worries about my impending trip abroad, being slowly mashed together with a separate annoyance of a wholly less significant breed:  slow walkers.

You know the type: a family of four, strung across a hallway or similar corridor, simply enjoying life as they move along at their glacial pace.  I, on the other hand, am moving at my typical latte-fueled breakneck speed, which is bringing me uncomfortably close to the barricade of familial jollity ahead.  

This simply will not do.  I will not, nay, cannot endure this delay in my travels.  Why?  Well, because...it's just that...seriously who walks that slow anyway?  Its unnatural, thats why.  The current generation of human race has been honed by millions of years of natural selection to be fast and efficient in our movements; the sluggish and sedate have yielded to the lithe and quick, in order to move from the Starbucks to the Mac store in a reasonable amount of time!

Yet in spite of such tragic impedances, I must remind myself that things will work out.  My preparations will pay off soon, and I will -- eventually -- get to the Mac store.  It is all too easy to ignore the time spent traveling between point A and B,  so perhaps in my slowed state of movement I should take the time to enjoy the scenery around me -- be it the walk across the mall, my final days with my coworkers, or simply enjoying a movie with my parents. 



-McG 


5 comments:

Patrick said...

you are so politically correct

Matthew C. said...

how so, patricio?

Patrick said...

by removing the picture! it was funny, but also very, very bad. you are now, once again, a culturally sensitive young man.

Matthew C. said...

it was more that i'd prefer to not have my blog censored by the government. culturally sensitive is nice too, though.

Anonymous said...

GTK or good to know.... that i am not the only one annoyed at slow walkers! oh my! i feel your pain! and i give you mad props for the use of glacial pace! well done!